How to Approach Your Child’s Masturbation

When you discover your child touching their private parts, how do you react?

Do you resort to punishment or physical discipline?
Do you raise your voice and insult them?
Do you isolate them by locking them in a room?
Do you panic and share the situation with others at home?
Have you done two or more of the above?
(It’s important to note that such reactions can potentially lead to sexual problems for your child in the future.)

Are there any tolerant parents? Yes, there are, but they are few. The reactions listed above are unfortunately quite common. Some parents may even go so far as to restrict their children from engaging in their favorite activities or playing with their toys. One striking aspect of this situation is that the reaction often varies based on the child’s gender. For instance, if a girl is caught masturbating, her parents may fear that she will become immoral or indecent and even think she may engage in prostitution in the future. On the other hand, if a boy is caught, he may be praised and feel proud of his actions.

Parents should exhibit a level of acceptance similar to their concerns about masturbation itself. Masturbation is a natural process and plays a role in children’s psychosexual development. Typically, children exhibit these behaviors between the ages of 3 and 5. It’s important to recognize that virtually all children explore their bodies and discover self-pleasure. They stumble upon this naturally, finding pleasure when they touch their genitals, which they begin to repeat over time. Repetition is a common way children reinforce discoveries. Among these explorations is the understanding of pleasure and self-awareness. Children often experience warmth, sweating, sensitivity, and relaxation when touching their genitals, but unlike adults, they do not experience an actual discharge.

Rather than focusing on masturbation itself, parents should be concerned with how frequently it occurs and whether it happens in inappropriate situations. It’s crucial to treat your child fairly and without gender bias, letting them feel your support. Even if you feel panicked or anxious, it’s important not to show it. Approach your child with a conversation that avoids embarrassment, judgment, or guilt.

Children may resort to masturbation when they lack engaging activities or when their emotional needs go unmet. A child who frequently masturbates may be lonely and in need of more love and attention.

So, what can you do as a parent?

Encourage Diverse Activities: Increase the range of activities your child can engage in and motivate them to pursue activities that boost their self-confidence. This doesn’t mean overloading them with academic work; instead, involve them in activities they genuinely enjoy and find exciting. Masturbation might be a way for your child to cope with school stress, which they might be trying to avoid.

Affection Matters: Hug, kiss, and caress your child. Make them feel valued, emphasizing that they are not merely instruments designed to please neighbors or relatives. Instead, let them know they are desirable and worthy individuals. Your sincerity in this approach is essential.

Teach Privacy: Guide your child to choose appropriate times and places for masturbation. Explain why it’s best done in private and without others present.

Quality Time: Spend more quality time with your child, engage in activities together, and be an active part of their life.

Masturbation, Explained:

Masturbation involves stimulating one’s genitals with hands or other objects, sometimes accompanied by sexual fantasies, to achieve orgasm. Many myths surround masturbation, such as it hinders physical development, causes mental illness, leading to terminal diseases, blindness, or making someone a pervert. However, it’s crucial to understand that masturbation is a normal, natural, and entirely human activity. It is not contrary to any religion or culture and is not sinful or condemned.

Understanding Sexism:

Sexism is the belief in and promotion of one sex as superior to the other. It manifests in various forms, such as the belief in men being superior to women or heterosexuals being superior to homosexuals. Sexism, like racism, continues to persist in society as an ethical value and taboo, maintaining its relevance. Several factors contribute to the widespread acceptance of sexism:

• Cultural norms, values, taboos, rules, laws, and traditions learned from family, society, and various religions can enable and normalize sexism.

While words like “child,” “sexuality,” and “masturbation” in the same sentence might make you uncomfortable, it’s crucial as a parent to recognize that these are natural aspects of human development. Ignoring them or failing to address them may lead to issues later on. Reading and educating yourself on these matters can make it easier for you to accept them as normal from a medical and psychological perspective.

Take care of your child’s mental health and well-being.

Shabnam Sadigova
Psychotherapist, Sex therapist